Another blog on new years resolutions.

Look, guys, I know I’m being amazingly original in writing a blog about my new years resolutions but try not to pee your pretty little Lick panties – there’s probably at least one similar post out there, right?

Yeah, I know, resolutions are made to be broken but this year I really do have a good feeling about the promises I’ve made to myself. I don’t know what it is but over the past few months I’ve been feeling pretty empowered about life so if I’m ever going to achieve my goals, I’m guessing the time is now. And even if I don’t stick to all of the below, at least if I stick to one then I’ve made 2014 a better year than the previous snoozefest.

1. Commit to Culture Sundays, even if plagued by a hangover. When you enter the cash-cushioned world of full-time employment it’s suddenly extremely easy to see how people become boring. You work all week, go for drinks at the weekend and spend Sunday doing chores. Before you know it, you haven’t been to a museum since you were a student and your brain stops asking for culture fodder.  That’s  why this year I’m going on a weekly visit to a cultural institution, even if I really can’t be arsed. Interesting people do interesting things.

Culture Sunday #1: Saw this dead Roman guy in a museum. They found him in a well. Grim.

Culture Sunday #1: Saw this dead Roman guy in a museum. They found him in a well. Grim.

2. Visit a different city every 8 weeks. I’m trying to be realistic about this so as much as I’d love to make it a monthly ritual, I don’t want my resolution marred by an angry phone bill. One trip every 8 weeks is achievable. I have friends scattered across the country, from Brighton to Edinburgh, and this year I intend to visit them all.

3. Go on a fucking holiday. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been abroad? Five fucking years! That’s ridiculous. In 2014 I’m buying a tiny pair of Aussiebums and getting that shit all over Instagram when I finally set sail for sunnier climes. Summer 2014, come at me.

4. Appreciate everyday food and be grateful for it. Since I started the 9-5 I have really neglected my culinary skills and I’ve forgotten to actually taste the food in my mouth – I just shovel it in like a crazed Jack Russell. We may only be 5 days into January but this has already proved a great resolution. Setting aside the time to cook not only gives me ample opportunity to practice my bum-wiggling to Lady Bey, it also means I’m maintaining a healthier diet. I’ve also been eating my meals in silence, which is a great way to give myself some time for reflection.

5. Increase the intensity of my workouts. So far my workout routine has been going reasonably well and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been proud of my progress, but I can give more so I’ve decided in 2014 I’m bulking more than toning. I’ll be The Incredible Hulk by June… or something mildly similar.

And that’s it, folks. Nothing crazy, no ridiculous targets – just achievable life goals. Oh, and I’m supposedly not drinking for the whole of January, but, well… it’d be boring to stick to all of my resolutions, no?


Dear Internet, I am not a chode.

Starting a new blog is never a particularly pleasant experience. It’s a bit like your first day in the office when you want your colleagues to see how cool and ‘together’ you are, but when you speak you just end up sounding like an over-enthusiatic goon, or you make an entirely inappropriate joke in which you equate eczema to parmesan and then you notice the girl you’re speaking to rolling her sleeves down to hide the actual real-life eczema on her arms. That happened to me once. Of course, as with any digital medium, you do have the ability to edit an introductory blog post, but to that I ask: what’s the point? In the words of the mighty Bey, “Perfection is…hm.”

The internet is rife with seemingly perfect people. Instagram filters allow us to make ourselves and our surroundings seem constantly flawless, follower-counts on Twitter can deem us Z-list celebrities and Facebook – well, we can ignore Facebook; Facebook is so 2009. The internet (the world) does not need another perfect person, so I have no problem starting this blog and knowing that I might just sound like a complete and utter cock. I just hope I’m a reasonably likeable one – a pleasing 7 incher rather than a grubby little chode, if you will.


Now, as much as I’d love to appear ‘edgey’ – I did spend 3 years at Goldsmiths Uni, you know – I can’t ignore the fact that you may have absolutely no idea who I am or why my inane thoughts might interest you enough to come back to my little piece of cyberspace. So, I best tell you about myself, which I’ll do in the most quick and painless way I know how: bullet points.

  • I’m a trainee accountant by day (yawn-but-kerching) and a writer by night (yay-but-can’t-afford-shoes).
  • I’m interested in people. We all put some pretty bizarre projections of ourselves out there in the public domain but there’s nothing quite like cracking that shell and finding out someone’s backstory. It’s never boring and it’s never without hardship. Everyone should make more of an effort to be interested in people.
  • I’m proud to have had my writing published in Europe’s best selling gay magazine, Attitude, where I worked in-house for a few months but essentially ballsed up because I had one of them there quarter life crises. I’ve also had a few pieces commissioned by The Guardian, which has been nice.
  • I believe that you can be shallow and deep at the same time. I don’t have time for people tweeting “I hate materialism.” on their iPhones. Liking shiny possessions does not a bad person make.
  • Vanity is my sin. All creatives must at some point face the fact that they want to be known for their work because they think their work is good. I think my work is good, but I also understand that at 22 years old I have an insanely huge amount to learn. It’s also vanity that leads me to post selfies on Instagram – #realtalk #teamgay.
  • I am currently the happiest I think I’ve ever been. Last year through up some horrible LIFE MOMENTS but today I can say I am truly grateful to have experienced them. For the first time ever I actually understand the importance of just being yourself and making life into your very own adventure.
  • Last but not least, and as you’ve probably already guessed, I’m not a huge fan of boundaries. I like humour, honesty and depth. This blog will lack boundaries. Sorry not sorry.

And that’s me in a nutshell. Sometimes I’ll post ramblings like this on here, other times I’ll vent about the trivial (bad dates, my allergy to chubby children etc.) or the political and sometimes I’ll post whatever hilarious gifs I’ve been looking at instead of doing the day job I’m paid for. So, unless you’re my boss, hopefully you’ll be here again soon.

In a bizzle, homies.

Dan x